Looking for meaning

Hearing things like Kimya Dawson’s song 12/26 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWquK9s6fP0) makes me want to do something great.  And meaningful.  And helpful.  Something that shares hope with people in need.  Something that shows people that I love them.  Because I do.

It makes me wonder if what I’m doing with my life is what I really want to do.  In one sense, it is.  I love reading, analyzing literature, writing papers (as long as I don’t procrastinate), Renaissance writers and their words.  I love those things but I love people too.  I love people more.  Sure, if I do go all the way through the schooling and jump through all of the hoops, I’ll get to teach kids and help them academically.  And yes, I would have enough money to help people in need but is that enough?  Is it selfish to follow this path that is more self-gratifying than the other?  Or should I set helping people as my main goal instead of a bonus?  I realize these two options don’t need to be mutually exclusive but one way or the other, there is a primary focus and secondary focus.  What kind of difference can I make as a college professor?  It’s always been my dream to save my money and build an orphanage and as a professor I’m sure I could do that.  Is that enough?  I know that I would be happy spreading love in a more direct way but I have no idea if I would be more happy and more importantly, I don’t know if that matters.  I would never do something that I didn’t feel passionate about but I just wonder where my passions are best directed.  I want to do great things but more than that I want to do great things for other people.

Christmas guests

Going to church on Christmas eve and Christmas day is great.  Seats that have been empty since Easter are not only filled but packed with butts.  Folks that visit church about as regularly as they get a colonoscopy flood the sanctuary and chatter excitedly in the pews.  Sure, most of them are probably there out of obligation and yeah, a lot of them probably won’t take anything from the gathering other than a kink in the back and a headache from all the Christmas songs.  But here’s the thing, Christmas, for me, is about love.  For some people, that love is very much based in faith.  For others, it’s found in the gathering of friends and family.  No matter where that love springs from, seeing people gather at church is awesome because that love is tangible.  Excitement is everywhere but a sense of peace covers it and I don’t know a better feeling.  The traditional hymns float through the air like smoke and even though I probably don’t have the same belief structure as most of the people in that church, I am still one of many that are joined together to celebrate love.